Introduction
There is a lot to say about
the preparation stage. It is the part that requires
the most work and which the audience never sees. It
is like the foundations of a building.
A building will crumble, or
at least subside if the foundations and lower levels
are not soundly built. It will look decidedly
odd.
Without thorough preparation
and good material it is hard to deliver a good speech
even if you practice until you are blue in the face.
This is why at this site we give you guidance on how
to practice and perform your speech, and offer you
the 'Wedding Speech Package' and a choice of extra
material for your preparation.
Either make up your own,
or use one of our ready-to-use speeches "as is" with
only names changed.
- This is a simple and quick
option. You will have a quality speech, available
rapidly; particularly useful if you have been approached
for a speech with little notice.
Or adapt a ready-to-use speech
(this gives the chance to make it specific and relevant
to the wedding couple and guests):
- Mix and match from several
example speeches
- Add and subtract jokes or
quotations
- Pay attention to the 'flow'
and 'feel' of the speech.
Too short may seem rude, too
long may be boring. Five minutes is a good rule of
thumb (and will probably feel like a long time).
If you have an exceptional speech
and prepare to deliver it really well, you might choose
to stretch to 10 minutes.
However, bear in mind
that if the other speakers did the same then the guests
would be listening for 30 - 40 minutes, and if some
of them are children you may encounter some unexpected
'heckling' as the children get bored - even if the
parents are laughing.
You only need one excellent
idea to make the speech successful and memorable.
To be of this calibre an idea needs to:
- Be well suited to the humour
tastes of the majority of the audience
- Be in some way relevant to
the generally known history of the wedding couple
or their families
- Grab the attention of the
guests and involve them so they 'anticipate' the
story outcome or punch line. (They don't have to
guess right for this to work, they just have to
be guessing).
The point is, if you find such
a good idea, make the most of it. Don't feel a need
to swamp it with other stories or jokes. You may find
it possible to refer to the basic idea at several
points in the speech. Audiences love this.
Don't worry if you don't find
such an idea. Instead use a combination of ideas,
stories, jokes and quotations and meld them together
to achieve a similar end.
Unless you intend to stick strictly
to a pre written speech you will probably want to
gather some information about the families and their
histories.
Possible useful subjects might
include:
- The weddings and marriage
of the parents - how times have changed?
- Are the families both local,
or have they come from different regions or countries?
- Marriage customs may differ
between the families?
- Where did the bride / groom
grow up?
- How did the bride / groom
meet?
- Have they had any unusual
/ special experiences?
- Did they meet the Queen /
President / someone famous?
- Did/Do they travel extensively?
- Have they received
any awards or medals?
- Sporting achievements?
- Academic achievements?
- Do they have any famous ancestors?
- Do they have any interesting
hobbies?
The anecdote does not have to
be fantastically funny, because it benefits from being
relevant to the families.
- Avoid anything in dubious
taste! The point of the speech is to entertain rather
than to shock or offend.
- Avoid stereotypes.
- Avoid negatives, regrets
or criticisms. Anything that may make the couple
or the families appear foolish automatically makes
you look foolish for raising the subject - even
if you thought it was funny, some guests won't.
Trust me on this.
- Avoid rude jokes or sexual
innuendos unless you are VERY sure of all the guests
and their sense of what is funny. Even then some
guests may have children present and the parents
may disapprove even if they found the joke funny.
- Get someone to check
your speech for unintentional double meanings and
puns.
Prune your notes and arrange
them in order.
Make sure that you have
included all the essentials - the thank-yous and the
toast!
Get your material checked out
Did you know Uncle Silvester,
for example, was an accountant? So avoid accountant
jokes, or perhaps go the other way and make lots of
them.
This may be particularly effective
(or disastrous) if there are several accountants among
the guests, or if the bride / groom is an accountant.
The point is ... find out days
before giving the speech, this is particularly important
for the best man who may not know the families well.
Avoid unwitting references to
family skeletons - check with the "in-laws" as the
bride / groom may not know of the previous generation's
skeletons.
- A good friend will tell you
if it is really as funny as you think.
- A bad friend will tell you
it's funny when it's not!
Benefits of different sizes
of speaker's notes:
- An A5 card will be less distracting
than a big sheet of A4 paper flapping about.
- You may prefer to use the
smaller postcard sized "box-file" cards which can
be mostly hidden in the palm of your hand, but you
will need more of them, and it is harder to keep
your place as you give the speech.
We recommend that you get hold
of some white A4 card from a stationer's. Cut the
cards across the middle to create a set of A5 cards.
During the design and initial
stages of practicing you may alter the wording and
content several times. It may be useful to use your
computer to alter the speech and put in 'headings'
etc. using A4 paper. Then when the speech content
is really settled, transfer the words in large letters
to the A5 cards.
- Don't try to cram the speech
onto as few cards as possible! You'll never be able
to read it.
- Feel free to abbreviate if
it means you get a convenient section on one card.
- Number the cards in case
you drop them. Alternatively, punch holes in them
and connect them with a tag or key ring.
- Highlight, emphasise and
underline key words and phrases. Do this while you
are practicing.
Once you are satisfied with
your delivery during practice, you may find it useful
to put 'headings' in suitable places. Make these large
and bold. It is then easier to find your place if
you do need to refer to the cards, and easier to spot
the next subject.
Check your transport arrangements
- do you know the way there? and will you have a parking
space booked? Have you allowed for the possibility of
the train being late (ask yourself "what if" questions).
- Check out the venue beforehand
if possible - where will you sit, where will you
speak from, etc.
- Check any equipment - microphone?
Lectern? Autocue!!?
- Check you have a glass of
water to hand (and where is the toilet?!!).
Make sure that you can tell the jokes!
If you find something funny
it can sometimes be difficult to tell it to other people
without ending up in a fit of giggles. This is amusing
for the guests but does rather spoil the punch line.
You may have an excellent joke or story but are forever
stumbling over the punch line. To get over these problem:-
- Rehearse the joke out loud
until it no longer makes you laugh.
- Rehearse it in front of a
mirror, until you can get all the words out smoothly.
Remember you might find a joke
funny which others do not. If in doubt, check with
friends.
Practice as many times as necessary
to get the phrasing, the pauses, the timing exactly
right.
One speaker recommends you should
practice an hour in total for every minute in the
speech. So for a four minute speech, four hours practicing.
This is not excessive.
Speak the speech - don't
read it in a dull monotone. Speak it as if you are
talking in conversation. Modulate your voice up and
down. The larger the audience, the greater the modulation
needed.
How to "visualise"
How many people will you
be speaking to at the reception? Bear this in mind and
visualise them - imagine yourself projecting your voice
and 'presence' to the back. If you visualise them you
will be less likely to get stage fright on the Big Day,
when looking at a sea of expectant faces.
- Imagine yourself speaking
clearly, don't rush it.
- In your mind's eye see the
audience - make eye contact with them and move your
gaze around the room as you should try to on the
day itself for optimum effect.
Visualisation is a great tool
for any learned skill, including public speaking.
Try not to have your eyes glued
to your card. Read a phrase, look up and make eye
contact, deliver it, look down for the next phrase.
If you make a point of establishing eye contact with
a different section of the audience each time, by
the end of the speech you will have looked at and
included everyone.
Practice your imaginary eye contact.
Visualise how you will effortlessly
recover from any little problems that might occur
on the day:
- You spill your glass of water
- possible recovery => step back from the spill,
cover it with your napkin, apologise to the person
sitting next to you and ask for their help, turn
back to guests and continue ... e.g. "well I knew
I had to do something dramatic to get started".
- The microphone is broken
=> you project your voice magnificently.
- You lose your voice the day
before => now this is a difficult one! Have you
got your speech completely written out (or typed)
with headings and highlights? - then perhaps someone
else can stand in for you, preferably after some
hoarsely whispered guidance on the rhythm and timing
which you had planned.
- What would I say/do if ?
....... (what else could go wrong?)
- If you consider all the options,
nothing will faze you on the day.
There are techniques you can
use if you feel assaulted by stage fright on the day
(see "Performance"). You can also plan for
the possibility of stage fright, and take action in
advance to prevent or reduce it. It need not overwhelm.
Remember that most public performers
will say that some level of nerves is necessary as
it demonstrates that you really care about the quality
of your performance and its effect on your audience.
- Start by re-defining stage
fright as being 'keyed-up and alert, ready to give
of your best'. This is not quite so 'punchy', not
such a good 'sound bite', but it is a more helpful
way of looking at things. Make 'stage-fright' work
for you! That way it doesn't seem so frightening.
- Even after effective practice
you can still expect to have butterflies, but you
should find that once you start speaking on the
day they will fly in formation.
- If you can stand the fear,
practice in front of a friend (this is an excellent
dry run because it is often more frightening than
the real thing). Choose someone who is an encourager
by nature and ask them to give constructive advice
on your delivery, projection etc. If you do this
it will help you enormously in getting over your
inhibitions.
- Try recording yourself onto
a tape. You will hear your weak points and your
strong points. Do this a few times, work on the
weaker areas and you will hear a steady improvement.
Check your modulation, does it need greater emphasis?
- As you rehearse your speech
- Visualise the event, visualise how the reception
will go, visualise yourself speaking, and most importantly
visualise the guests laughing at your jokes - and
give them long enough to laugh after each joke before
continuing.
If you are afraid of stage fright
on the day, visualise now! Visualise suddenly getting
tongue tied, and then pausing, gathering your thoughts
looking at the guests, smiling at them and continuing
onwards.
Remember !!:
"Persistent
Practice Prevents Poor Performance"
A few notes on alcohol
Some speakers unfortunately
try to get over their stage fright by drinking alcohol.
Nothing is more embarrassing to an audience than a
tiddly speaker. It is amazing how silly a drunk speaker
sounds. By all means have one drink, but if you really
want to do a good job, save the majority of the drinking
until afterwards - by then people will be buying them
for you!
It's also a good idea
to lay off tea and coffee. Caffeine will make your
jitters worse. Stick to soda water, mineral water
or fruit juice, but not too much because you do not
want to be caught short during your speech. Did you
remember the location of the toilet?
On the day you will probably
experience a certain amount of stage fright ("keyed
up readiness - remember?"). Don't be afraid of it
- no actor / comedian / speaker ever delivered a successful
performance without a measure of fear.
However, stage fright can have
unfortunate side effects - sweating, shaking, heart
beating furiously, etc. There are steps you can take
to minimise these effects before you speak, namely:
Find the time to take long deep
breaths - breathe right in, deep into your belly;
slowly breathe out. Do it repeatedly. It works.
- Breathe in for four counts.
- Hold your breath and tense
your toes for four counts.
- Breathe out for four counts.
- You should feel tension easing.
- Repeat with feet, ankles,
calves, knees etc., right up your body to your neck,
chin, lips, eyelids, forehead and scalp.
- You should be able to sneak
this in without anyone noticing while sitting at
the table.
- If you have the time, repeat
these exercises as necessary.
When all is said and done, even
if you have practiced endlessly and got your delivery
perfect, on the day you will probably feel nervous
to some degree. In your nervousness you might imagine
that you're shaking like a leaf and everyone can see
quite plainly that you're scared stiff.
Consider these points:-
- The audience are on your
side - most of them would be scared stiff themselves.
They're with you, not against you.
- If you don't transcribe your
speech onto cards and you do shake while holding
a piece of A4 paper, the shakes will be amplified
by your speech flapping around like a windsock.
See "Preparation".
- In practice almost every
speaker is far more nervous than they look. You
might feel nervous, but if you practice, prepare
and deliver according to these guidelines, people
will in all probability come up to you afterwards
and say what a good job you've done.
- Get your audience to laugh
with you - an excellent way to defuse your own tension
and nerves.
- BE CONFIDENT. You have prepared
everything that could possibly be prepared for this
moment.
- You have practiced a lot,
your cards are in your hand, highlighted and underlined.
You can have done no more. Be confident in that.
The audience want you to do well and will not be
critical. Remember that and be confident in that
as well.
- STAND UP. Wait for complete
silence - don't be afraid of silences and pauses,
they can be as eloquent as words. Don't hurtle into
the speech to get it over with as quickly as possible.
- Establish eye contact with
the audience. Look around at every section of the
audience. Remember your visualisation? Put it into
practice now.
- Weigh your phrases, don't
rush them. Really use your pauses. After a punchline,
wait for them to jolly well laugh and don't start
again until they have stopped laughing.
- Should they not laugh at
a joke, it's not the end of the world. Some lines
are intended mostly as links and aren't necessarily
meant to be riotously funny. Move on to the next
line and whatever you do don't accelerate
through the speech just because they didn't laugh
at one point where you thought they would.
- Remain measured, using
your pauses to allow the audience to digest your
words, get to the end, propose whichever toast is
yours to toast, and sit down to take your applause.
A quick note for the Best Man:
don't read all the greeting cards the Bride
and Groom have received.
A lot of people dread the Best
Man's speech because so many Best Men spend absolutely
ages at the end of their speech endlessly droning
through a stack of cards which all say much the same
thing. By all means read two or three of them, perhaps
ones specially chosen by the Bride and Groom.
You should by now be armed with
everything you need - give it all you've got!
Good luck and best wishes
for a successful day.
PS: Did I mention...
"Persistent
Practice Prevents Poor Performance"
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Audience Comment:
"You moulded your speech with just the right balance of humour and sincerity."